Where Am I Parking My Mind?
I looked in the rearview mirror. My 1-year-old son, Isaiah, was crying, and his volume level was increasing by the minute. It had been about two hours since he had last had a snack, and his intuition was on point: it was time to eat right now. But we were stuck in traffic – traffic that wasn’t moving!
As the line of vehicles inched forward, I managed to maneuver our SUV into the parking lot of Target. Handing Isaiah a graham cracker, my phone rang. After explaining the situation to my husband, he laughed and said, “So you’re stuck at Target?”
Yep. We were stuck at Target. Not a bad place to be stuck, but stuck, nonetheless. I moseyed around the store for a while, distracted by the clearance racks in the infant boys’ section. An hour later, I looked at the clock and decided I’d better get a move on.
Target definitely isn’t a bad place to be, but it can’t quite compare to my own home. As we ate dinner that night, I had forgotten about the day’s earlier events, and I was finally able to relax.
Our getting stuck and then forgetting about it brought me to ponder this statement, “It’s in forgetting ourselves that we find freedom.”
I’ve had a long history of disordered eating. While I don’t need to share the whole story here, it’s enough to say that for more than two decades, my mind was consumed with thoughts of food, exercise, and physical appearance. I felt tremendous shame over the size of my body and the number on the scale, and no diet or fitness plan could ever bring relief from the daily internal struggle. And I must mention, that being underfed magnified unhealthy and distorted thoughts.
A few years ago, I discovered the body positivity movement. And what a breath of fresh air it was! Quotes like “Love your body” and “You are perfect just as you are” gave me a message I was thirsty for: I didn’t have to change my body, and I was enough.
The body positivity movement is critically needed in our society today. 80-90% of women are dissatisfied with how they look, and hundreds of thousands resort to dieting to change their body weight and shape – and the results are tragic. The rate of death for individuals with eating disorders is 12 times higher than that of individuals of similar ages with no history of disordered eating (The Body Image Therapy Center, 2021). Our society desperately needs a different message.
But after several months of admiring my imperfect body and loving my physical imperfections, something – or Someone – started whispering to my heart. Your body has value. But you are not enough.
Something more is needed if we are to grasp the healing that God intends for us. As a Christian, I know that my body is good – as the psalmist writes, “I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Yet my joy cannot come from gazing at myself in the mirror, accepting my curves and decrying diet culture in the name of self-love. I cannot park my mind in this place, because it points back to self. After all, I am not made to admire myself: I am made to admire Him.
This idea of self-forgetfulness is unique to followers of Christ. Our postmodern society is sold on the idea of self-esteem; if we simply build ourselves up, our self-dissatisfaction will be cured. Yet Jesus demonstrated the opposite of self-exaltation during His walk on Earth: “Rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness” (Philippians 2:7, NIV).
Other theologians have echoed the concept of joy in self-forgetfulness: in Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes, “When we get rid of the false self […] we discover the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about [our] own dignity which has made [us] restless and unhappy all our lives” (127). In his 2003 book Don’t Waste Your Life, Pastor John Piper writes: “Standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and contemplating your own greatness is pathological. [...] We are made for a magnificent joy that comes from outside ourselves” (33-34). Love that terminates on the self is not love; it leaves us thirsty and without our greatest Hope.
I do not intend to claim that the body positivity movement has no value: indeed, we must be able to accept our bodies as good gifts designed by God. But my body – my self – is not enough to bring me satisfaction. For that, I must turn my eyes towards Jesus. While the body positive messages have been a useful tool in accepting my physical appearance, I must now aim for body neutrality: the freedom that comes in forgetting the weight and the clothing size. Because while I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am made. I am creation. I am not the Creator.
God wants more for your life. Ready to break free from dieting?
Food Freedom Bible Study is a 3 week bible study brought to you by faith-based Registered Dietitians, now available for individuals and Registered Dietitians who want to earn CEU’s. It’s a simple, affordable, online, gospel-centered program for breaking the bondage of food, exercise and body issues. This is the beginning to discovering freedom! Get started today!
Katelin Lundquist is, first and foremost, a child of God. She lives and works in northwest Arkansas with her husband Kevin, 1-year-old son Isaiah, and rescue puppy, Pippin. After battling disordered eating and compulsive exercise for over 20 years, Katelin is embracing recovery through faith-based nutrition counseling, intuitive eating, and Health At Every Size. She is currently a student at Dallas Theological Seminary pursuing a Master's in Biblical and Theological Studies. In her spare time, she enjoys reading theology, writing, and dancing when nobody's watching.
